Avengers Assemble! - The Unicorner

Greetings, citizens, and welcome back to the splendiferous Unicorner. This week, we pay tribute to Earth's mightiest heroes:  the Avengers! BOM BOM BUUUUUUUMMMMM!

Here are some photographs of an elite team of unicorns--the Navy Seals of Vespucca, you might say.  I searched for the very best from among my three million soldiers and chose these eight to become the Avengicorns. (You think you can come up with something better? Go right ahead.)

Majestic, no?

Unihulk made one of these for each of
his teammates. He's actually quite the artist.

They've even made a movie about the Avengicorns.  Naturally, they were
too busy to star as themselves, so their friends from My Little Pony portrayed
their characters.  Perfect for bronies.

We've even got a TV show in progress! This will soon
be the favorite show of every Vespuccan child. I guarantee it.

You've probably passed out on account of the sheer awesomeness radiating from your computer screen. If you haven't and are still reading this, you are either a disgraceful, unpatriotic, soul-less person, or you are Grumpy Cat.  I shun you.  Farewell.

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

Hi Again?

Greetings, citizens!  Long time no see, am I right?  After a nine-month-long scouting trip to Australia, I have returned with a much better knowledge of the land I am to conquer, a rather amazing accent, and two dozen koalas.  (Don't ask me why.  The koalas were not my idea.)

I also happened to see something out in the bush that looked very promising in regards to Vespucca's future there.

There must be some wild unicorns who have already attempted to colonize here!

I'm beaming with pride.  I'll just have to convince them to join the army, which shouldn't be too difficult.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find that MsBreathany.  When you haven't had a fried gorgonzola-sunflower butter-turkey bacon sandwich in nine months, you get cranky, and when you get cranky, you unleash your crankiness on your slave, and when you unleash your crankiness on your slave, they make you a fried gorgonzola-sunflower butter-turkey bacon sandwich.

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

Festivities - The Unicorner

*NOTICE:  This post was intended to be published on Wednesday, January 1st, but due to a glitch with the system, it remained unpublished and was just fixed today. Oops!*

Happy New Year, citizens!  The unicorn army and I…oh wait, they want everybody to sing Auld Lang Syne…just a moment.

They also asked me to post this.

That done, I'd also like to wish you a rather belated but still merry Christmas!  Here's a photo of my absolute favorite Christmas gift:

*literally squealing when I opened it*

Beautiful, no?  On the other hand, to give is better than to receive, so here's my gift to all of you:  an splendiferous edition of the Unicorner!  Here are some lovely gifts to bestow upon your friends and family.  Let them know you care!

These are guaranteed to make every injury better!  I gave
some of these to Bob since he tends to fall down a lot.

Want to educate your skeptical loved ones about unicorns,
yet provide them with a useful tool? Unicorn mouse pads
like this one are PERFECT gifts for the doubters.

Here's another one that's just as beautiful.

If you have a hipster in your family, they most
definitely NEED this one-of-a-kind hipster unicorn shirt.
Trust me, you can never go wrong with unihipsters.

Well, these gift ideas may be a touch late for Christmas, but feel free to use them for New Year's gifts, birthday gifts, Australia Day gifts, MLK, Jr. Day gifts, or any other holiday that might be coming up.  (I wonder how many obscure holidays happen in January…?)  If this were December 31st, I would attempt to close by saying "see you next year," hardy har har, but I can't.  Unfortunately I have no other relevant joke for the end of this post, so…

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.