Avengers Assemble! - The Unicorner

Greetings, citizens, and welcome back to the splendiferous Unicorner. This week, we pay tribute to Earth's mightiest heroes:  the Avengers! BOM BOM BUUUUUUUMMMMM!

Here are some photographs of an elite team of unicorns--the Navy Seals of Vespucca, you might say.  I searched for the very best from among my three million soldiers and chose these eight to become the Avengicorns. (You think you can come up with something better? Go right ahead.)

Majestic, no?

Unihulk made one of these for each of
his teammates. He's actually quite the artist.

They've even made a movie about the Avengicorns.  Naturally, they were
too busy to star as themselves, so their friends from My Little Pony portrayed
their characters.  Perfect for bronies.

We've even got a TV show in progress! This will soon
be the favorite show of every Vespuccan child. I guarantee it.

You've probably passed out on account of the sheer awesomeness radiating from your computer screen. If you haven't and are still reading this, you are either a disgraceful, unpatriotic, soul-less person, or you are Grumpy Cat.  I shun you.  Farewell.

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

Hi Again?

Greetings, citizens!  Long time no see, am I right?  After a nine-month-long scouting trip to Australia, I have returned with a much better knowledge of the land I am to conquer, a rather amazing accent, and two dozen koalas.  (Don't ask me why.  The koalas were not my idea.)

I also happened to see something out in the bush that looked very promising in regards to Vespucca's future there.

There must be some wild unicorns who have already attempted to colonize here!

I'm beaming with pride.  I'll just have to convince them to join the army, which shouldn't be too difficult.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find that MsBreathany.  When you haven't had a fried gorgonzola-sunflower butter-turkey bacon sandwich in nine months, you get cranky, and when you get cranky, you unleash your crankiness on your slave, and when you unleash your crankiness on your slave, they make you a fried gorgonzola-sunflower butter-turkey bacon sandwich.

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

Festivities - The Unicorner

*NOTICE:  This post was intended to be published on Wednesday, January 1st, but due to a glitch with the system, it remained unpublished and was just fixed today. Oops!*

Happy New Year, citizens!  The unicorn army and I…oh wait, they want everybody to sing Auld Lang Syne…just a moment.

They also asked me to post this.

That done, I'd also like to wish you a rather belated but still merry Christmas!  Here's a photo of my absolute favorite Christmas gift:

*literally squealing when I opened it*

Beautiful, no?  On the other hand, to give is better than to receive, so here's my gift to all of you:  an splendiferous edition of the Unicorner!  Here are some lovely gifts to bestow upon your friends and family.  Let them know you care!

These are guaranteed to make every injury better!  I gave
some of these to Bob since he tends to fall down a lot.

Want to educate your skeptical loved ones about unicorns,
yet provide them with a useful tool? Unicorn mouse pads
like this one are PERFECT gifts for the doubters.

Here's another one that's just as beautiful.

If you have a hipster in your family, they most
definitely NEED this one-of-a-kind hipster unicorn shirt.
Trust me, you can never go wrong with unihipsters.

Well, these gift ideas may be a touch late for Christmas, but feel free to use them for New Year's gifts, birthday gifts, Australia Day gifts, MLK, Jr. Day gifts, or any other holiday that might be coming up.  (I wonder how many obscure holidays happen in January…?)  If this were December 31st, I would attempt to close by saying "see you next year," hardy har har, but I can't.  Unfortunately I have no other relevant joke for the end of this post, so…

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

A Christmas Treat for Unicorns - The Unicorn Whisperer

And I'll be headin' for Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie (some pumpkin pie)...
Well, folks, it's about  that time of year.  It's almost Christmas!!!  It's almost Jesus' birthday!!!  And, of course, when we're all together celebrating with our families, one cannot forget.... the food.  And Unicorns eat too, you know (although they do not suffer from the gaining of an additional 500+ pounds).  And they do enjoy a treat every now and then.  So, today I'll be sharing with you a delicious recipe for........ unicorn treats.

Although there are many different recipes, this one takes the cake (or the pie...) so I've decided to share this one for now.

What happened at the top, there, you wonder.  That, my dear friends, is the work of pixie dust.  If it were fit for human consumption I would use it in all my baking recipes.

Well, gotta go make a sandwich.... But first, here's a little funny for you...

 

Ta ta for now!

~Msbreathany

Updates

Greetings, citizens!

I'm sure many of you have been disappointed lately about the lack of promised weekly posts.  Us too.  My staff and I apologize, and we are trying to pull ourselves back together after a hectic two weeks. As I'm sure you know, there are only six days until Christmas--please excuse me while I hyperventilate over how fast 2013 has gone by.  Anyway, everybody here is rushing to finish their Christmas shopping.

Seriously, do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to find a personal gift for each and every one of your three million unicorns?

In addition, there has been a small outbreak of uninfluenza (type of flu virus that can be contracted by unicorns) among the army.  I happened to come down with it while helping MsBreathany care for the 200,000 sick unicorns.  That's a lot of chicken soup.  (I actually do have the flu right now.)

We hope to be back to our regular posting schedule shortly, so keep checking back.  Merry Christmas!

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

The Ways of the Unicorns - The Unicorn Whisperer

Hello there fellow Vespuccaneers... whatever over the rainbow that is...
I feel the need to apologize for my disappointing failure to post The Unicorn Whisperer the last two Mondays.  Due to some lazy stable hands taking Thanksgiving week AND the week before Thanksgiving off without permission, I had to muck approximately 2,000 stalls since my last post.  So I had no time for social media, electronics, and yes, even Vespucca's blog.  But I am back now, so without further ado, I shall share some more unicorn brilliance with you.  Just kidding.  But really.

So... last time we talked about what Unicorns are all about.  This week we are going to talk about typical unicorn behaviors, or as I like to call it, The Way of the Unicorns.

Alright, so first let's talk about the ears.

Actually, no talking necessary.  There ya go.

Moving on.  The eyes.
If your unicorn rolls his eyes at you, this is- unlike in horses- a sign of disrespect, not fear.  Other signs of disrespect or frustration with a person include: eating the person's belongings, chewing or spitting on things that person has touched, and.......

This.   Just imagine a unicorn horn and you have it.

Unicorns also do this to make fun of silly humans who think that griffins are better than unicorns.  Royal bacon advisor/French ambassador... ahem... *AHEM*  Moving on...

Then we've got posture.  If, when approaching your unicorn, she lowers her head in a slight bow and then raises her head and looks you in the eye, you are receiving a friendly greeting from the unicorn.
However, if your unicorn lays back her ears and aims her laser-shooting unicorn horn at you, it would be wise to stop whatever you're doing to irritate her.  Immediately.  Before you get toasted like a marshmallow.  Or shot with one... whichever.
Lastly, if your unicorn greets you with a full bow, as shown here... BRAVO!  BRAVO!  APPLAUSE!  APPLAUSE!  This is a sign of honor.  Be honored.  This does not oft happen to humans.

Again, unicorns are a little camera shy, so just imagine this is one.

Well, folks, enjoy your week, and be prepared for some... well, you'll just have to wait and see what's in store for next week... ;)  Just be thankful you don't have a briefing with Her Majesty on the making of the royal kitchens later today.  She is rather... particular... and eccentric... which make for fun interior designing...

From the mind of a genious,

Msbreathany

GIFs! - The Unicorner

Hey, hey, hey, and welcome back to the Unicorner!  This week I found some GIFs to share with you.  Voila!

Indeed.  It also seems hyper and jiggly.

Hey, Vladimir from Tangled!  Those are fabulous ceramic unicorns
you've got there.  Keep up the good work.

I have no words.

Gotta run.  I'm sure MsBreathany is making my sandwich wrong, AGAIN.  See you next week!

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.