A Christmas Treat for Unicorns - The Unicorn Whisperer

And I'll be headin' for Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie (some pumpkin pie)...
Well, folks, it's about  that time of year.  It's almost Christmas!!!  It's almost Jesus' birthday!!!  And, of course, when we're all together celebrating with our families, one cannot forget.... the food.  And Unicorns eat too, you know (although they do not suffer from the gaining of an additional 500+ pounds).  And they do enjoy a treat every now and then.  So, today I'll be sharing with you a delicious recipe for........ unicorn treats.

Although there are many different recipes, this one takes the cake (or the pie...) so I've decided to share this one for now.

What happened at the top, there, you wonder.  That, my dear friends, is the work of pixie dust.  If it were fit for human consumption I would use it in all my baking recipes.

Well, gotta go make a sandwich.... But first, here's a little funny for you...

 

Ta ta for now!

~Msbreathany

Updates

Greetings, citizens!

I'm sure many of you have been disappointed lately about the lack of promised weekly posts.  Us too.  My staff and I apologize, and we are trying to pull ourselves back together after a hectic two weeks. As I'm sure you know, there are only six days until Christmas--please excuse me while I hyperventilate over how fast 2013 has gone by.  Anyway, everybody here is rushing to finish their Christmas shopping.

Seriously, do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to find a personal gift for each and every one of your three million unicorns?

In addition, there has been a small outbreak of uninfluenza (type of flu virus that can be contracted by unicorns) among the army.  I happened to come down with it while helping MsBreathany care for the 200,000 sick unicorns.  That's a lot of chicken soup.  (I actually do have the flu right now.)

We hope to be back to our regular posting schedule shortly, so keep checking back.  Merry Christmas!

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

The Ways of the Unicorns - The Unicorn Whisperer

Hello there fellow Vespuccaneers... whatever over the rainbow that is...
I feel the need to apologize for my disappointing failure to post The Unicorn Whisperer the last two Mondays.  Due to some lazy stable hands taking Thanksgiving week AND the week before Thanksgiving off without permission, I had to muck approximately 2,000 stalls since my last post.  So I had no time for social media, electronics, and yes, even Vespucca's blog.  But I am back now, so without further ado, I shall share some more unicorn brilliance with you.  Just kidding.  But really.

So... last time we talked about what Unicorns are all about.  This week we are going to talk about typical unicorn behaviors, or as I like to call it, The Way of the Unicorns.

Alright, so first let's talk about the ears.

Actually, no talking necessary.  There ya go.

Moving on.  The eyes.
If your unicorn rolls his eyes at you, this is- unlike in horses- a sign of disrespect, not fear.  Other signs of disrespect or frustration with a person include: eating the person's belongings, chewing or spitting on things that person has touched, and.......

This.   Just imagine a unicorn horn and you have it.

Unicorns also do this to make fun of silly humans who think that griffins are better than unicorns.  Royal bacon advisor/French ambassador... ahem... *AHEM*  Moving on...

Then we've got posture.  If, when approaching your unicorn, she lowers her head in a slight bow and then raises her head and looks you in the eye, you are receiving a friendly greeting from the unicorn.
However, if your unicorn lays back her ears and aims her laser-shooting unicorn horn at you, it would be wise to stop whatever you're doing to irritate her.  Immediately.  Before you get toasted like a marshmallow.  Or shot with one... whichever.
Lastly, if your unicorn greets you with a full bow, as shown here... BRAVO!  BRAVO!  APPLAUSE!  APPLAUSE!  This is a sign of honor.  Be honored.  This does not oft happen to humans.

Again, unicorns are a little camera shy, so just imagine this is one.

Well, folks, enjoy your week, and be prepared for some... well, you'll just have to wait and see what's in store for next week... ;)  Just be thankful you don't have a briefing with Her Majesty on the making of the royal kitchens later today.  She is rather... particular... and eccentric... which make for fun interior designing...

From the mind of a genious,

Msbreathany

GIFs! - The Unicorner

Hey, hey, hey, and welcome back to the Unicorner!  This week I found some GIFs to share with you.  Voila!

Indeed.  It also seems hyper and jiggly.

Hey, Vladimir from Tangled!  Those are fabulous ceramic unicorns
you've got there.  Keep up the good work.

I have no words.

Gotta run.  I'm sure MsBreathany is making my sandwich wrong, AGAIN.  See you next week!

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

We're 'Tweeters' Now

Greetings, Vespuccans.  Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!  I'm still stuffed from all that mac and cheese. :p

Anywho, for no reason whatsoever, I decided to create a Twitter page for Vespucca.  You can check it out by clicking here.  Oddly enough, we already have one follower . . . not sure what your motive was, but thank you, strange person who followed us!  Our Facebook page should also be up and running within the next week or two, so go check that out when you get a chance!

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

Thanksgiving for Executions?! - The Unicorner

Gobble, gobble.  That's not the call of a turkey, that's the sound of me eating turkey.  And cranberry sauce.  And pie.  And that sweet potato casserole with the melted marshmallows on top . . .

Sorrryyyy.  Welcome to the Thanksgiving edition of the Unicorner!  In light of the holiday this week, I've selected some festive media for you to feast upon.  What better way to give thanks than observe the unicorn?  Here goes.

WHAT. WHAAAAT. WHAAAAAAAT1102302!!one!0!!201 *sob*
Whoever made this, I will hunt them down and personally murder them.

I will most definitely be eating here.  As long as they don't serve unicorns!

Even Native Americans had unicorns!
This one was the guest of honor at the first Thanksgiving dinner.

A joyous Thanksgiving to your and yours, from Vespucca.  Maybe the next one can be held in the capital city . . . ?

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

Presidential Palace

Guten tag, citizens.  I, your ruler, come to you today with something splendiferous:  the floor plan for the Vespuccan Presidential Palace! (Translation:  my fabulous future house)  If you're too dense to take notice, it has been drawn in the regal shape of a unicorn.  Voila!

Click here for a larger image.  As you can see, the legs of the unicorn all have separate entryways and foyers--formal, informal, and private.  (The fourth leg is an underground tunnel leading to a bunker).  Some rooms are for business/political affairs, such as the entertainment hall, Squarish Office (instead of oval), state dining room, and ballroom.  Others are for personal use, i.e. the all purpose studio, master suite, study, vaults, and containment cells.  Those will contain mostly records and the occasional hysterical fan.  The unicorn's mane serves as escape tunnels and watersides for the outdoor pool facility.  In addition, the palace features a hipster room, chocolate pantry, aircraft hanger, launch strip, sunroom/balcony, an awkwardly shaped closet, and what may possibly be the only bathroom on the grounds . . . oops.

In the top left corner is the Administrative Building, half of which will be used by administration and half of which will be the Vespuccan Cultural Center, a place of learning and artistic inspiration.  The grounds will also display stunning gardens and statues like this one.

Last but not least, the palace will also contain a Spare Oom for diplomatic visits to Narnia.  Leave your thoughts in the comments!

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

Construction Zone - The Unicorner

Greetings, my minions, and welcome back to the Unicorner!  Instead of posting unicorn pics, I thought'd I'd share a fantastic website with you this week.  Put on your hard hats, because we are about to enter . . . the UNICORN CREATOR.  Okay, it's actually a PONY creator, but with a few clicks on this thing, you can easily transform a mediocre pony into a magical unicorn!  Here's a unicorn I made to look like me!

You can choose all kinds of other crazy combinations, or even unicornify real people.  Be forewarned:  it is extremely addictive.  Nevertheless, you should check it out by clicking here!  Happy unicorning!

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

First Post

Good whatever time of day it is when you are reading this. I am, despite not being on the leaders page (mhm I mean seriously?!?!?!?), The French aiding (very good translation bethany) as well as law aiding member of the non-existent board I tried to have added to the group of leaders whose job it is to aid in the actual uses and running of Vespaca (I hope I spelled that right spell-check isn't per-say helpful with nonexistent I mean recently created words) In case you hadn't guessed (which is likely do to the babbling I'm doing) my job is to aid in anyone trying to use French in Vespacun leadership, as well as in writing the constitution. unfortunately Her Majesty is not generally happy with my work, hence several things have occurred. one: I am not on the board of leaders in a nearby section, two: the aid board does not exist and three: I was given the duty of modifying the language of English for Vesacun use.example: created word Vespucan.
 signed the guy who doesn't exist
P.S. I also created Bob
P.P.S. Surprise I am not Bob

Weekly Post: The Unicorn Whisperer

Hello again friends!

Happy Monday to you!

Ha.  Ha.  Ha.  Good one.
No really, with these guys: Blimey Cow, it's actually a fantastic Monday morning :)  Seriously, you should check them out.  The unicorns love them.  I just had to ground a few from watching them last week.
Which reminds me to remind you (er... inform you...) of why I am starting this weekly post called the Unicorn Whisperer.  (I considered calling it "It's Me or the Unicorn" but "the" unicorn sounds a little offensive.  I don't want to be stepping on any hooves here... after all, there are 12 million of them.  Hooves that is.  Cuz we have three million unicorns... and they each have four hooves... and 3 million times 4 equals... nevermind...)

All of us who own, work with, or have experience with unicorns know that although they are fantastic creatures, fiercely loyal to their owners, kind-hearted, gentle, and great companions, there are often behavioral issues that are necessary to deal with while training your young unicorn so that he or she will grow into your lifelong best bud.  Although behavior issues are not the only thing I plan to post here, it is one of the most important, so that's what we're talking about today.

And we're going to begin with the basics.

The first step to training your unicorn is...........................................
UNDERSTANDING YOUR UNICORN.

If you see your unicorn as this

 

Or this

Or even... deep breath... this

 (If you see your unicorn as this, I'm not sure why it hasn't impaled you yet... I suppose that's the "fiercely loyal" quality... but seriously, show your poor unicorn some RESPECT, people... geesh)

then you have some serious problems understanding your unicorn companion (especially the third one...)  But if you are a truly dedicated owner and really care about properly training your unicorn, you must first seek to properly understand him.  So, for today, I'm going to give you a list of things that unicorns are.

1. Unicorns are noble.  What with their long, flowing, silvery (or rainbow-y) manes, musical neighs, and "I'm-so-much-more-graceful-than-you'll-ever-be" flying skills, it should be pretty obvious.  If not, you need glasses.  
2. Unicorns are strong.  Seriously.  These guys can lift up to 25 times their body weight.  Like, WOAH.
3. Unicorns are majestic.  I mean, just look at this
   
4.  Unicorns are loyal.  Picture number three people prove my point.
5. Unicorns are very forgiving.  /\
6. Unicorns are gentle.  I mean, just look at this one giving this little girl a ride.  Probably on her birthday.  Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :)
   
7. Unicorns LOVE hugs. 

So now, with that knowledge, I encourage you to devote time each week to spending with your unicorn.  Get to know his or her personality.  Does he have a great sense of humor?  Is escargot her favorite treat?  Doing so will not only improve your friendship, but also make you better prepared to begin training.

Next week we will talk about typical unicorn behaviors and forms of communication.  (And it will be shorter... don't worry)

Peace, love, and unicorns,
~Msbreathany, THE UNICORN WHISPERER

A Hello, an Introduction, and a Story

Greetings, greetings, citizens and/or loyal supporters of Vespucca (or those of you just reading this to see how insane we are)!
   
You may know me as the sandwich slave, or my real title Official Culinary Sandwich Artist for Her Supreme Majesty, Lord Minklewort.  (If it's even possible, it sounds better in Google Translate French... Je suis l'artiste en sandwich culinaire officielle pour sa majesté suprême seigneur minklewort.)  But that, my wonderful readers, is only my hobby.  My REAL occupation- my forte- is Imperial Unicorn Handler.  
            
Yes, yes, I can hear you now.  "How, in the midst of trying to feed Her Supreme Majesty, Lord Minklewort, do you have time to handle a unicorn?"  Well let me say, first of all, that yes, it does take some time trying to satisfy the brilliantly cultured, refined taste buds of Her Supreme Majesty, Lord Minklewort.  However, it is actually quite doable once you have worked in her kitchen for as long as I have, and have become acquainted with her tastes.  Some of her favorite foods include poppy seed chicken casserole prepared with my EXACT same secret recipe each time, half-crispy half-chewy all-turkey organic bacon, feta cheese, Gorgonzola cheese, Parmesan cheese, goat cheese, and chocolate (minimum 72% dark, fudge, or raspberry-filled).  And sunflower butter.  Can never forget the sunflower butter.
     
I also have some stable hands and apprentices who help with tasks such as feeding, exercising, grooming, and mucking stalls.  And let me say also that it is not a unicorn that I am in charge of, but a highly intelligent, well-trained army of rainbow-delivering, perfectly-aimed-marshmallow-laser-shooting, crime-fighting, booty-kicking, Her-Supreme-Majesty-Lord-Minklewort-protecting, fun-smile-and-hug-loving unicorns.  Oh, and there are currently three million of them.
     
This position and title of official Imperial Unicorn Handler is one that I have long sought after, and worked most diligently to achieve.  As a young girl, I dreamed of having a unicorn as a pet and, more importantly, as a friend.  I drew pictures of unicorns.  

I sang songs from my backyard to any unicorns who might hear me.  

(For reals... I really did that...)  I had a horse, whom I nicknamed "Prince Charming" and who became one of my dearest friends.  As you can see, equines have long been an important part of my life.  So naturally, when I was named Imperial Unicorn Handler, I was ecstatic.  I still am.  And I take my job very seriously.  No second-rate, generic brand, filler-filled unicorn food for my unicorns!  They are my family, and I treat them as such.

My duties as IUH include, but are not limited to: overseeing the feeding, watering, grooming, and all-around care of the unicorns, developing exercise routines, creating schedules for the unicorns' grooming, exercising, and simply their daily routines, performing under-saddle and ground work with the unicorns, and correcting natural behavioral problems, nipping them in the bud with young unicorns before beginning their official training.  Then once the unicorns complete their primary training, they begin the rigorous training that will give them the skills they need to join one of nine task-specific unicorn army units.  Upon completion of training, there is a large graduation ceremony, and each unicorn is dubbed a member of Her Supreme Majesty, Lord Minklewort's Vespuccan Army.  That, my friends, is a happy day that makes my job worth it.  (I am NOT tearing up right now...)

Well there is my story.  Perhaps now you, too, can begin to appreciate the beauty and intelligence of the unicorns.  And for those of you who already do, I'd love to hear your unicorn stories, unicorn behavior problems, and of course Lord Minklewort would love some unicorn memes.  :)  Now, my sandwhich-making duty calls... bacon and feta with a side of fried sunflower butter.

     Only you can prevent forest fires.  ~Msbreathany

Weekly Post - The Unicorner

Attention, subjects!  From now on I'll be making weekly posts of "The Unicorner," (see what I did there? Unicorn? Corner?) which will feature some of my favorite pics, memes, gifts, and other stuff that pay homage to unicorns!  These are true marks of Vespuccan patriotism and must be shared.  I'll pick 3 - 5 every week in hopes of inspiring my lovely citizens.  Let's see what's going down in the corner this week:

This is an insanely accurate diagram of a unicorn.  I think I'm going to cry from all the happiness.

WANTTT. <3 These will be the headdresses of my royal guard!

Yes. 

A wise decision, good sir.  I applaud you. 

A vehicle every self-respecting man should own.  Preach it, brother.

Beautiful.  Just beautiful.  I know THESE people would be happy to join Vespucca if given the opportunity.  YOU'VE got the opportunity, so go subscribe and join the cause!  Find any fabulous unicorn stuffins?  Post your media in the comments, and it could be featured here next week.  What are you waiting for, fool?

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.

It Begins

Greetings, citizens, and welcome to the official website for the People's Monarchracy of Vespucca!  This site is the place to go for all the latest updates on Vespucca's development, what the admins/leaders are up to, and how you can get involved.  Everything's mostly in beta right now, so you'll notice some unfinished stuff, but feel free to look around.  If you want to discover what VSP is all about, check out the page titled "The Story."  I hope what you find here excites you as much as it excites me!  Be sure to leave comments and hit that subscribe button!

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Imperium iuvenibus, et unicōrniēs aeternās.