A Hello, an Introduction, and a Story

Greetings, greetings, citizens and/or loyal supporters of Vespucca (or those of you just reading this to see how insane we are)!
   
You may know me as the sandwich slave, or my real title Official Culinary Sandwich Artist for Her Supreme Majesty, Lord Minklewort.  (If it's even possible, it sounds better in Google Translate French... Je suis l'artiste en sandwich culinaire officielle pour sa majesté suprême seigneur minklewort.)  But that, my wonderful readers, is only my hobby.  My REAL occupation- my forte- is Imperial Unicorn Handler.  
            
Yes, yes, I can hear you now.  "How, in the midst of trying to feed Her Supreme Majesty, Lord Minklewort, do you have time to handle a unicorn?"  Well let me say, first of all, that yes, it does take some time trying to satisfy the brilliantly cultured, refined taste buds of Her Supreme Majesty, Lord Minklewort.  However, it is actually quite doable once you have worked in her kitchen for as long as I have, and have become acquainted with her tastes.  Some of her favorite foods include poppy seed chicken casserole prepared with my EXACT same secret recipe each time, half-crispy half-chewy all-turkey organic bacon, feta cheese, Gorgonzola cheese, Parmesan cheese, goat cheese, and chocolate (minimum 72% dark, fudge, or raspberry-filled).  And sunflower butter.  Can never forget the sunflower butter.
     
I also have some stable hands and apprentices who help with tasks such as feeding, exercising, grooming, and mucking stalls.  And let me say also that it is not a unicorn that I am in charge of, but a highly intelligent, well-trained army of rainbow-delivering, perfectly-aimed-marshmallow-laser-shooting, crime-fighting, booty-kicking, Her-Supreme-Majesty-Lord-Minklewort-protecting, fun-smile-and-hug-loving unicorns.  Oh, and there are currently three million of them.
     
This position and title of official Imperial Unicorn Handler is one that I have long sought after, and worked most diligently to achieve.  As a young girl, I dreamed of having a unicorn as a pet and, more importantly, as a friend.  I drew pictures of unicorns.  

I sang songs from my backyard to any unicorns who might hear me.  

(For reals... I really did that...)  I had a horse, whom I nicknamed "Prince Charming" and who became one of my dearest friends.  As you can see, equines have long been an important part of my life.  So naturally, when I was named Imperial Unicorn Handler, I was ecstatic.  I still am.  And I take my job very seriously.  No second-rate, generic brand, filler-filled unicorn food for my unicorns!  They are my family, and I treat them as such.

My duties as IUH include, but are not limited to: overseeing the feeding, watering, grooming, and all-around care of the unicorns, developing exercise routines, creating schedules for the unicorns' grooming, exercising, and simply their daily routines, performing under-saddle and ground work with the unicorns, and correcting natural behavioral problems, nipping them in the bud with young unicorns before beginning their official training.  Then once the unicorns complete their primary training, they begin the rigorous training that will give them the skills they need to join one of nine task-specific unicorn army units.  Upon completion of training, there is a large graduation ceremony, and each unicorn is dubbed a member of Her Supreme Majesty, Lord Minklewort's Vespuccan Army.  That, my friends, is a happy day that makes my job worth it.  (I am NOT tearing up right now...)

Well there is my story.  Perhaps now you, too, can begin to appreciate the beauty and intelligence of the unicorns.  And for those of you who already do, I'd love to hear your unicorn stories, unicorn behavior problems, and of course Lord Minklewort would love some unicorn memes.  :)  Now, my sandwhich-making duty calls... bacon and feta with a side of fried sunflower butter.

     Only you can prevent forest fires.  ~Msbreathany